I was visiting the wank bank the other day replaying some of my fonder sordid sessions and then started to scroll the timeline of my perversions and achieved fantasies. I reflected fondly on how threesomes are fun spontaneous with friends that cant really be planned. I got nostalgic for such landmark moments like attending orgies with former partners, the first time I was properly pegged and all the filthy insults people have shouted at me whilst fucking them. A particular highlight being that time I ate the arse of that hot skinhead birds whilst simultaneously fisting her remarkably west pussy to her loud heckles of ‘fist my pussy you fucking cunt’. But then I got all profound and tried to recount the origins of some of my favorite perversions. I fondly remember the moment when that first finger tickling my prostate shot a clip of silver bullets into a one night stands face and I’ve been enjoying eating arse for so long that if I was on death row I’d request it as my final meal. And of course I can vividly remember one of my first rough pegging sessions, in fact I remember nearly all of them and there’s been a lot a high percentage of those being with first timers and eventual converts. There’s nothing really attractive about humility so I can say with complete confidence that I’ve most certainly converted more birds to the broad spectrum of anal play then any of those Jehovahs you see trying to sling the WatchTower outside your local tube station at 6am have managed to convert the average passer by to their death cult. All this sounds like a brag because it is. I love the filth, pain, prep, taste and challenge of anal sex…. But you’ve heard it all before from me. Like many things in life it’s just become par for the course and though I still have a lot of passion for the club and wear the badge with pride its just recently it dont excite me like it used to. I’ve jumped the shark with anal. But during this moment of reflection I focused on one my newer methods of getting my rocks of. A fetish and fondness that has evolved over the last few years and that is my love of feet.
I dunno when it started but I remember the first time i consciously thought ‘those are some sexy feet’ from a set of tootsie I laid eyes on was on a bus to BOOM festival. There was this really cute Polish bird sat in the chair in front of me and like a scene from a Tarantino movie she had her bare foot resting up on the seat in front of her whilst she read her book. Now I already fancied her with her impish qualities, cute perfect English, gorgeous coils of short hair but there was something about those 5 dinky little imperfect toes that kept me entranced for so long I feared I was being a creep – side note: Is having a pervy observation of another person problematic if that person is none the wiser? I aint talking about staring through peoples bedroom curtains or setting up cameras in toilet cubicles, but admiring a nice arse or in this case pretty foot is surely harmless if the other party is not made to feel uncomfortable about it because they are completely unaware?
But actually the roots stem deeper then that experience. A few years ago I had a partner whom I experimented plenty with. Then during one session where we made the rare switch from me to sub and her to dom she forced me to take off her large work shoes that she’d just finished a 10 hour bar shift walking around in. Then told me to clean her sweaty toes. It was the first time Id properly experienced humiliation in that setting and the thought that I really shouldn’t be enjoying the flavor of the sweat were an immediate hard on and during future sex sessions I’d like to suck her toes whilst fucking her and sometimes shed use her feet to wank me off, but that was just because she enjoyed it and I liked that she enjoyed it so I went along with it… But thinking about it it does explain a lot.
So as time went on the sexual partners tallied up and I both mastered then shared my teachings of the art of rimming and further anal penetration to as many willing partners as possible… However I started to find that the go to prostate massage or deep tongue rim job wank just weren’t cutting it no more. What was going on? I’d always been an arse man, they beat titties on every stat. They taste better, you can create sexy fuck faces and noises from a partner from sticking things in them. Resting your dick inbetween a pair of cheeks and/or getting wanked off with them during a comfy spooning session is an underrated act that not that many talk about…. Though I believe the yanks call it hot dogging? Songs, rhythms, sonnets, raps and articles have been written on the subject for so long it would take several life times to get through it all…. Goes without saying, when you find out someone you know enjoys anal it automatically makes them cooler then they already were…. But for me after crossing off pretty much every single ‘to do’ on my sex bucket list. I’ve moved on. These days instead of taking so much time trying to figure out the colour of the panties under the legging of the cyclist infront of me – An act I’m aware is probably some kind of sex crime btw lads. I’m now more inclined to be glancing down at those Wedges, eyeing up those pretty little toes.
Much like anal, feet peoples feeling towards having their feet touched are polarising and for a lot of people they can be a total no go area. I aint going to condescend you lads on the basics of consent because I have faith in my readers as I’m sure you wont take out of context when I say that generally going down on someone is implied, you wouldn’t usually ask permission for that if you’re already in the ‘we’re about to fuck’ situation. But much like bum holes, a high percentage of people dont like their feet being touched so I always make sure I get clear ‘go for it’ before I start peeling off socks and not just because consent is essential but as someone who ironically hates having their feet touched and If someone was to go straight for my feet my immediate reaction would to deliver an Anderson Silva style front kick right to the face.
Not that long ago I was enjoying a fun and innocent fuck around with a friend of mine. The sex itself was a by the numbers fucked up festival bunk up, but we’re both mates and we both felt like fucking each other but during the down time I asked if I could play with her feet. She werent so much relucant but puzzled by the request ‘you want to play with my feet?…. ok’ Now its worth mentioning that this particular bird is one of the hottest birds I know and very rarely does the moment arise that we decide to fuck so I thought I’d make the most of it especially as her feet were cute as shit. ‘Can I cum on them?’ I asked. She consented and graciously let me suck and lick her pretty little left foot whilst she wanked my cock with her other… The scene was hot as shit and sure enough not long after sucking her toes clean and having her squash my balls and wank my dick with her sexy feet whilst whispering sexy encouragement in my ear I blew a wad on both of them in record time and the session itself is in the hall of fame of wank bank material. Now granted I am biased because she is one of the sexiest birds I know and I could probably beat off to her reading the phone book to me if she did so in a sexy voice– infact she’s such a higher tier of hot girl that I even overlooked my no period sex rule because she is just too hot not to fuck. Anyway being able to make myself cum has always been an issue as loyal readers and pretty much anyone whos had sex with me will already be aware. But this was probably a new record and it came from something as simple as sucking toes. We spoke about this session when I approached her for permission to use this story from her point of view though the act itself was not something she got off on, watching me enjoy myself so much was what made it fun and is glad that I was the person she got to try it with. It’s always nice to broaden someone’s horizons, especially when it’s one of the cooler birds you know and one of the very few you genuinely fancy.
Her response got me asking other female friends their opinions and experiences with foot play and those who had experimented with it all came to the conclusion that though they weren’t turned on by the act itself it was the satisfaction of someone else getting enjoyment from something so simple that made it fun. Which just so happens to be how I feel about acts like spanking or general rough play. It’s not something I find particularly arousing but if the person I’m knocking about is having a good time then I’m also having fun lads.
Got me to thinking as to what it is about a part of the body that aint even an erogenous zone so attractive. I asked a friend of mine who whilst working as a sex worker found feet play requests quite common what his logic behind it was and he theorised that because feet are usually always hidden in shoes or in socks they are considered a taboo, also feet emit a lot pheromones that of course is one of our most primal forms of arousal. Which makes the most sense for me personally as I’m also an advocate for not shaving any body hair. For women especially it’s not the political statement of not shaving your armpits or your fanny that I find attractive it’s the sexy aromas and flavours they are holding that are triggering my stupid caveman brain.
Infact there is plenty of appeal and potential for foot play. The humiliation aspect of being walked over, the pleasure in the pain of getting your bollocks trampled. Even the fact that it’s completely risk free, aside from the common fungal infections which I dont believe are contagious anyway the only risk of harm from a foot is an untrimmed toe nail. If you’re still in doubt however and hygiene is your thing then dont threat because there is feet condoms. Which I also didn’t know existed until I used one, in a session where like so many pioneering sexual developments are discovered – a gay one.
I ended up in Bristol after a festival struck with a post festival horn. A horn that has to dealt with and on this occasion was an itch that only sordid, anonymous gay sex could scratch and when such a mood takes me Grindr is my go to weapon of choice to get the job done and on this particular
occasion it worked much better then expected. I ended up in the home of an attractive geezer from a part of Europe I couldn’t quite figure out, similar age to myself but just happened to own the house which is always something so unobtainable as a Londoner that it blows my mind every time I meet a property owner from my generation. Upon entering his living room he offered me a dose of GHB, a drug which taken in the correct dose can be used as a sex aid, when taken in a high dose it can also cause black outs which is where it gets its dark reputation from – but dont worry this is a fun story. In fact the geezer was such a professional that he had a note book where jotted down his time and dosage so as not to achieve black out. It’s worth noting that not only had I been drinking all afternoon but I was also on the back end of an acid trip so my senses were already heightened. When we got down to business he asked to be fisted and offered me a long leather glove which is common practice for seasoned pros like this geezer. His arse gave way to my fingers and fist with ease and fucking him required none of the care and prep your occasional anal player requires. He then asked me to fuck him with my foot that he handed me the long leather sock with which to help do and whilst I sat on this blokes sofa, whilst he wriggled and moaned with pleasure with my foot in his arse, walls melting around me from the final effects of the LSD, embracing the euphoria from the effects of alloy wheel cleaner and appreciating both the absurdity and obscenity of the scene playing out that I found myself questioning how that throughout my years of getting off from both anal and foot play had it never occurred to me to combine the 2 and stick a foot in my arse. I have always maintained that the queers are miles ahead in the sex space race. The session was cut short however when I accepted a huff of poppers from my host. I mistake I’ve made several times before. I’ve always hated the smell of and effects of amyl in any situation, when used as a sex aid it sends all the blood away from my dick to my head and makes me whoozy killing any horn I may have had. The situation then got even more bizzare when deciding it was time to call an uber the geezer started spaz out, rolling around on the floor of the lounge, yabbering nonsense and generally being manic. The scene was more bizzarely fascinating then it was awkward, however when I was quoted a waiting time of 10 minutes for the net uber, I used the next available pause in the blokes manic performance to announce my leave which made him snap back to normality and casually be like ‘oh ok, I’ll see you out, nice to meet you’… It was an experience so absurd, bizarre and mind broadening that it actually sobered my full blown acid trip.
So thats where I’m at fetish wise at the moment. Feet have developed from a minor admoration to an asset I not only actively find myself perving on but incorporated as a form of foreplay. Unfortunately partners who share my enthusiasm have been illusive. Yea sure I have knack for attracting broad minded partners who are open to new experiences and that’s fine to an extent it’s just as I’ve got older a partner who is equally matched in depraved experiences is becoming a necessity for attraction. The bird who’s very open about their kill count being almost tripple figures is already way more attractive then her mate who meekly admits ‘oh I’ve never had a threesome before’
My sex life has dropped a couple of gears this past 18 months or so, admittedly due to my own lack of drive. relationships with casual partners have either fizzled out or discovered monogamy. I’ve all but lost patience with online dating and in the current climate organically trying to seduce a woman in a social situation is eclipsed by the anxiety that you’re one wrong move away from a potential sex crime. Despite these circumstances I have no fear I’ll cross paths with a fellow gun slinger and no doubt a saucy anecdote will play out, Judging from my last handful of encounters where the other person has done all the work I must still be interesting and attractive enough for some folk out there… It’s just how my arc plays out. Unfortunately the other reality to my narrative is that I am still a sexual drifter accepting any bed I get offered because I’m not quite sure when the next opportunity will arise and though I find a lot of comfort in the autonomy of being a lone wolf the universe suddenly seems to have a lot more order in it when I know when my next cuddle session is scheduled.
So yea, if my recent enthusiasm for feet has suddenly perked your interest in the Lahm Powder experience then register your interest as clear and blunt as possible otherwise Ill just act aloof and assume your request that we go for a drink is just an excuse to get pissed. Even if the sparks dont fly you’ll at least get a dinner and a film out of it. If my cold and apathetic demeanor is giving off consuing signals the line ‘do you want to to go and watch the Simpsons in my room’ is the height of my seduction abilities the confirmation that I fancy you…. I give you no guarantees the sex will be satisfying by the way. Boner death is becoming a regular occurrence, especially when Ive had a drink but it’s crept into sober sex recently as well and my retarded ejaculation problem leads me to get bored quickly but if you enjoy having your fanny and your arse eaten I can do that until you pass out from irregular circulation. Otherwise I take on all challengers in the Lahm Powder thunderdome… Privacy is also a guarantee on request and you don’t end up in one of these stories unless you give me permission. Also dont threat with that old ‘oh but if we sleep together itll effect out friendship’ I have a handful of friends who I grew close to due to the sexual capacity of our relationship and dont worry about me getting weird on you, it’ll take an accpetional person to ignite an genuine emotional attachment. Oh and a prize for whoever converts me to an act I’ve never tried before…. Oh also if you can make me cum from sex or foreplay without assistants myself I will probably propose to you…. Thats how confident I am that youll fail.
Anyway less of that shameless desperate attempt to evoke blog groupies out of the woodwok that will inspire no one. I’ve shagged enough people in many different social circles for their review to be somewhat unfavorable with feeback most likely being along the lines of ‘sweats a lot, took a break after 10 minutes, asked if he could play with my feet and eat my arse. Tried to make himself cum for what seemed like an age, asked me to play with his arse, lost his hard on then said that was it from him and fell asleep.’ Alot of truth is in these statements. But in my defense deciding you want to have sex with me if like going to watch The Fall… From time to time a mind blowing gig that reminds you how effective live music can be…. Then other times Mark E is just rambling and they dont play a single song you recognise and its just a mess.
Thats it’s from me, had been a while since Ive done any writing let alone a sex life one. Dont worry about me nature finds away. And honestly if theirs something you’d like to try or even need my opinion or advice in regards to your own sex life it can be done in confidence and Ill try my best to help you out or understand your predicament more. I promise tre will be a series of blogs over the festive period and I do really hope I will deliver a structured podcast for you bad mother fuckers in the new year.
Until then lads dont be shy, If there’s something you’d like to try ask me I wont say no how could I?
Play me out Mozzer…. It’s been a while