The Joy of Watersports

In my somewhat short experience of exploring kinky sex, I have found that I have been able to explore the dark caves of ones sexual psyche, not because of what I’ve thought up and suggested to my friend at the time, but because the majority of the birds I’ve ended up with have all been pure filth. ‘What she asked of me at the end of the day, Caligula would of blushed’ as Morrissey said, and as per usual he was right.

Now I’ve pushed the boat out during sex on many occasions, if you’re going to do a job get it done properly, and there is absolutely no shame in giving things you haven’t done before a go, infact if anything it’s the best way to live a fulfilled life. There is very little I am not willing to atleast try, unless it involves either shit or blood. Reasons being that although I can respect the filth factor that clearly comes with scat play, it seems like one of them things that seems like a good idea at the time, but then someone’s got to clean it up, and I cant imagine what the smell would be like, and what if its one of them shits that would usually ruin the toilet bowl? I don’t do blood because not only am I squeamish over the site of it, I like many blokes find the thought of a menstrual cycle really repulsive regardless of how natural I’m constantly told it is.

But in my time of having sex with filthy bitches I have been offered to do everything from rape roleplay to watching bestiality porn together. One bird asked me to chain her up, beat her, do whatever I liked to her, then leave her there until I felt fit to let her go. Then there was another bird asked me to fart in her face whilst she was rimming me off.

I didn’t take up any of them offers, well that’s a lie, some of them I did or atleast a variation of it. But there is one filthy act that usually is also suggested to me, one that I find is the most accessible to new comers as well as being delightfully filthy and probably the most fun to do. I am of course referring to watersports… or pissing on each other for those who don’t know.

Now sex is already a filthy act no matter how you dress it up. Whether you refer to it as fucking or making love, you’re still just rolling around in another person’s bodily fluids, sucking or licking organs where waste is usually disposed from.  Personally I rank the quality of things that are fun during sex with a filth factor, for instance blow jobs are alright, the slow well thought out ones have their merit but the fast, balls licking, throat tickling, sloppy ones that make birds mascara run that are the ones that really get stored in the wank bank. Infact there does seem to be some sort of primal instinct of letting go and finding filthy or wet things fun once in a while, anyone who’s rolled in the mud at a festival or been on the log flume at a theme park would agree, I find these exact same urges apply to my sex life also. The most memorable sex I have had has been where the two of us our left covered in each other’s spit; sweat, cum and in some instances piss.

I remember my first experience with watersports was a few years ago shagging a bird I had met through online dating and through our exchange of messages realized we were both as pervy as each other. When she eventually came round my house and we got down to business the filth levels were at a tepid level, up until a point whilst she was riding on top of me and spotted the lube in the corner of my room. She squirted some on her fingers ands started prepping her arse for some well-respected first date anal. She raises herself off my cock so that she can change holes, swivels herself down then changes her mind quite suddenly. ‘Sorry I really need to go piss’ then goes to get up and leave, to which I reply. ‘No! you need to piss, you piss’ She responds with a dirty smile, sits straight back on my dick and within minutes starts pissing all over my chest. I can still remember to this day thinking ‘Jesus this is filthy’ and probably still is in my top 5 most memorably filthy encounters.

There was another bird I was shagging for a period of time, who used to have a fetish for piss restriction. Basically she’d like to be forced not to be able to go to the toilet until the point that she pissed herself, which although its nothing I personally get off on I can respect how kinky it must be to be forced to piss yourself so I went along with it. We tried this plus a couple of other sessions in my bed, which I really don’t recommend. Even with plastic under sheets the bed was still always saturated and smell of piss was always a bugger to get out of my mattress. The safest time I’d say to give it a go is when bathing/showering with your bird or bloke, so obviously you can wash it straight off. I also recommend only giving it a go after the two of you have been drinking water or juice, although it is probably an activity you are only likely to give a go when drunk, alcohol makes your piss a lot more pungent and the taste can be bitterly awful if you’re aiming for the face. But overall whenever the two of us decided to take a slash on each other it was always done in kinky glee, with usually the two of us letting out dirty, criminal mastermind style laughs whilst doing it.

My personal favorite and if not most mind blowing pissing anecdote happened when I attended a seedy watersports themed party. I’d been to a do by these organisers before when I managed to blag a guestlist, however that was an orgy theme, this had a similar atmosphere and some familiar faces from that night. I’d kept in touch with some friendly people I’d met there before and decided I’d go out and have an interesting Friday as appose to just staying in doors again.

I arrived with the party in full swing, quickly found my friends and had a bit of a chat, within in what seemed like half an hour the atmosphere was getting steamy and already there was a scene in the ‘wet room’ where both a bloke and a bird were copping off with each other on the floor, and there were a few fella’s standing over them casually pissing on them. After spending a few compelling minutes watching that I went to find my friends who were midst play with each other, again I just thought I’d play the voyeur role and just watched. There is a bit of a full on theme at these types of parties, the result being that you get a lot of wanking men, I remember at the last party whilst trying to get busy with my friend I struggled to perform because of the close proximity of the wankers around me. Tonight was no exception and I cant quite bring myself to just wank off over a load of people getting off in front of me, don’t get me wrong I’m all for voyeurism just that kind of environment don’t work for me.

As the crowd of wankers started to grow I decided to have a bit of a mingle so went to see if there was any birds about who’d up for a bit of mischief. Almost immediately as I left the ‘play’ room I saw a beautiful, short haired bird with a leather military cap, skin tight leather trousers held up with braces that crudely covered her tits and right slap bang on her chest was a Nazi Reichsadler tattoo. ‘bloody hell that’s commitment’ I immediately thought, then thought back to when I went to Torture Gardens once and saw a bird who had a big bold swastika tattooed on top of her fanny, this bird however looked like something from a Nazi sexploitation film. I approached her, got a friendly smile, said hello, complimented her tattoo then explained how I was a collector of Nazi memorabilia, I then delivered a line that admittedly I’d stolen off a friend which was ‘I keep a Nazi Reichsmark fiver in my wallet at all times’ I lied ‘So when I die and I go to hell, atleast I can buy a fucking drink!’ She loved that but then thought my collection of memorabilia and Arian bloodline meant I also believed in the ethos of National Socialism.  I managed to quickly explain that I only had an interest in the power of the symbolism, but at the risk of losing her interest explained that even though I didn’t believe in any of Hitlers views or anything he did I admired that he achieved what he did by having a great passion for achieving his goals as well a lot of drive and motivation, ‘you cant achieve what he did by sitting on your arse smoking spliffs all day’ Is what I said exactly. Things took more of a turn for the surreal when I asked where she was from and she replied ‘Poland’. I had to just laugh instead of try and get a debate going on whether she knew her history. There is rarely anything sexy about a political debate.

Despite the clash of cultures I know I am doing well but I am rapidly running out of things to say, however I am noticing the way she keeps biting her bottom lip after everything she says to me, also I can smell her pussy salivating from where I’m standing so decide to go for the kill. I look straight into her eyes, step a foot towards her, go to place a hand of her waist and she leans in and goes straight for a nibble on my neck. A few seconds of intense kissing pass and she starts to whisper something in my ear that I cant hear over the music, she takes me by the hand and leads me to the wet room and in the filthiest Polish accent I’ve ever heard, asks me to piss in her mouth. I’m already stiff as a board by this point and get a sudden bout of stage fright. I like many other blokes suffer at the urinal when someone is standing next to me, try as I might I just cant seem to squeeze it out. That’s in the comfort of a pub toilet, this is in a shower room with a load of wanking blokes standing around me and a sexy fascist at my feet. So I whip my cock out, shut my eyes, think of England and then thank God that I’ve just drunk 2 cans of Guinness because with almost no effort at all I’m pissing right in her face.

There are some things that can be difficult to do with an erection, pissing in a straight line can be one of these but she sat there opened mouth greedily lapping up everything I had to offer, swallowing in big mouthfuls of my racially pure urine. I thought of my contempory heroes’ Ken Livingstone, Hugo Chavez, John Terry and Aung San Suu Kyi and wondered if they’d be proud of my actions as I watched my piss dribble down her chin and all over the symbol on her chest. I felt like Alan Turing  cracking the enigma code or like Barnes Wallis when he found out his bouncing bomb had just made Operation Chastise a success. When I finished she looked up and smiled, then sucked my cock a few times, stood up and kissed me again, which of course tasted of my piss, I thought this would be disgusting but it just added to the already sky high filth factor and I actually quite enjoyed it. I cycled home that night in freezing cold temperatures warmed by my achievement. I’ve never had ‘piss in the mouth of a Nazi’ on my sex bucket list because I didn’t even think it would be feasible. But if you walk down the right back street in London on a Friday night anything is possible.

I often look back on that night and think ‘wish I would of fucked her’ but then I try and console myself by asking myself if I’d of rather fucked her or pissed on her, and I’m glad that it was the latter. See that’s what the glory of watersports is init? It makes it memorable. I can sit here and explain to you forever the fun and enjoyment that comes with pissing on either your fella or you bird but like everything you just don’t really know if it’s for you until you give it a go. So next time your having a bath together or you’re coming homes from a drunken night out, or if the two of you are in one of them moods where you want to get really bloody filthy together, why not empty the water in the tub or hop in the shower and relieve yourselves on each other, you might find something new you both really enjoy.

Watersports – Give it a go!

Play me out Mozzer!