Today is the 31st October 2015, which means that I am exactly at the midway point of my 20’s. So in the time honored tradition I want to mark this probably not all that significant landmark with a reflective blog post about men. No this aint a coming out post, although I don’t think it would be too much of a surprise if I was to come out of the closet. God knows I’m not achieving much as a straight man. But this is infact a toast to the men in my life who have supported and shaped the person I have become. The ones who I’ve looked up to and who have guided me to the half way point of the best years of my life… For long time readers you will remember I wrote such a themed blog on my 21st Birthday. That’s lost in the annals of the Internet now. One day I’ll dig up and re-master all my writings from my teens, back when I was complimented for my film and festival reviews instead of now being branded ‘that sex writer guy’. Those of you who can remember or were one of those 4 geezers from all those years ago will realize only one has made it to this list. Not that it’s a competition or anything. But I thought it be fitting especially at a time of my life when I’ve started to realize what kind of people are worth the hassle and what friends are going to be there till the bitter end, these are the 4 men who have had the greatest impact on my adult life.
But before I get started I do need to make a shout out to one fella who aint made the list and that’s not because I don’t find him inspiring… Well actually I don’t… Well it’s not that I think he’s a cunt… But, well, actually he is a cunt…. But I will give a special shout out, to Del or Jack as everyone else aside from me calls him. I met Del nearly 10 years ago in the toiler on the 2nd day of college. No it’s not one of my usual anecdotes, but lets just say I don’t think a week has gone by since where we haven’t spoken to each other. Del often gives me a hard time about everything. He always insults my appearance, constantly reminds me of how much of a fuck up I am all the time and refuses to ever meet any of my friends because in his words ‘All your friends are dicks’. But whenever I feel down I know if I call him up he will answer. Infact I remember a few years ago during probably my darkest of periods, he could tell I was unhappy. I had no job, a bird was fucking with me and I’d been forced to move back in with my parents. Twice a week he’d invite me out and listen to me, buy me beer then when I left he’d shove a score into my pocket so I could buy a pack of fags or something. This is just one of many short burst of kindness Del is capable of and is one of the many reasons why he is my best friend. He doesn’t make this list because it’s dedicated to those who helped me through my adult life. Del’s been around longer then that, and I have a feeling I will never shake the cunt off until we’re both dead in the ground… And I’m ok with that.
Jem
I first met Jem, like the majority of my friends at a Bangface night almost 10 years ago now. We went to an afterparty and sat next to each other, I gave him a load of fags and he halfed an E with me. At the time I didn’t for the life of me think ‘I’m going to live with that guy one day’. Years later and Jem is probably my most loyal friend. Unlike many of the people one will endure through life, Jem gives a shit. He takes an interest in peoples lives and beliefs and is always on hand for both advice and encouragement. Infact ironically the advice Jem usually gives me which I am either grateful I headed or regretful I didn’t is every bit of advice he’s ever given me on women. Ironic because Jem’s luck with the birds is as bad as my own, but for some reason he always has the answers. In the past he’s always told me when to take head and when to go all in and he’s usually always been right. Even when it has been something as simple as ‘You have to fuck this bird, man!’ And when I inevitably fuck it up he always lend an ear to my moans and offer the ever simple but effective ‘ce la vie’. But above that Jem has my back, he’ll cut down anyone who says a bad word about me and I think he knows me better then most. As a man Jem is one of the hardest workingmen out there, able to both party and work a 12 hour shift without any form of complaint. He see’s the best in everyone even to the point of sickly optimism. Infact come to think of it, I don’t think Ive ever seen him in a genuine bad mood nor have I ever heard of him holding a grudge against someone.
We have coined a term in our circle of friends and that is ‘Jem magic moment’ one time in particular I remember from a few years ago was after a long and hard day at work, Jem walks through the door with a crate of beer at nearly midnight ‘Alright? Get ready we’re going out. Don’t worry I’ve booked a taxi, just waiting for matey to drop over some gear’ instantly I was put into a good mood. If he had no money and only a scrap of food left, he’d share it with you so that you wouldn’t go without. I genuinely believe that he doesn’t posses a malicious bone in his body and dont think that gears in his head could ever conjure up any form of dishonesty. He’ll be there to the end; I have absolutely no doubt in that.
Dylan
Dylan was one of my raving buddies outside of Bangface funnily enough, we’d see each other more at squat parties and such, and then he moved to London then the adventures truly started. Which is why I initially always got on with the geezer, he was always up for adventure. Whether it was foraging in the Brecon Beacons or pilgrimaging to Rotterdam for hardcore raves. He was always up for it and I usually it difficult to find people with that level of commitment for a good time.
I’d say first off Dylan hold the accolade of being the funniest fucker I have ever met. It’s not just that the endless tasteless, dry wit is always on point, but it’s because he doesn’t seem to have an off button with it. Even in the most serious of situations Dylan will still be cracking jokes and making a room laugh. On top of that the quality of chat with him is always high. He seems to have inherited the Irish natter and all the evenings and days spent wasted with him, were never actually wasted at all. He has a way of talking about subjects in the most engaging and non-pretentious way.
Over the last couple of years or so Dylan has been on a hell of a journey, from literally rock bottom to dizzy heights in his field of work which involves helping societies most down trodden and he did it all with hard work and persistence. A few months ago I said to him that I hoped he realized that he had made it now, his response was ‘Just goes to show what happens when you try’ and that’s stuck with me ever since. His story has been the most inspiring of anyone else I know, but if you want all the details of that I’m sure he’d tell you if you asked him.
Recently however, well actually this time last year when I was having another one of my dark times this time the theme being that I may have very well fucked my life up, Dylan answered my prayers with a job offer in Thailand, and so began our greatest adventure together so far, where were colleagues and explorers together. For that opportunity, I will be forever in his debt. He took me from the pit of despair and provided me with probably the best 3 months of my life, simply because he thought I would benefit from the job on offer. The man is a genius and a grafter. I haven’t seen him since Thailand and I know that audiences with him will be sparse over the coming years, but this doesn’t upset me as now I just have more of an excuse to get back out to Thailand.
Alan
When I first met Al I was on one the most mental acid trips of my life. I dunno what kind of omen that was for the rest of our time together but it certainly set a watermark. I have looked up to and even idolized Al for my whole adult life, probably due to his alpha male stance in many situations and the fact that despite the miserable, cynical git persona that many seem to perceive him as having is actually a front for one of the most genuine men I know. If you’re in need, Al will help you in any way he can. He is a man who has his friends backs at all times and is always full of support in many ways.
One of the things I especially love about the bloke, is that he is flawed. Despite his potential to conquer anything fate will usually always get in the way and bring him crashing down to reality with the rest of us mere mortals. But it’s the way he deals with it all that is so inspiring. There was a time a few years back now, where Al was in a spot of bother that would have meant he may have had to run away for a while. It was a situation that I personally would have rolled up into the fetal position and cried my way through. Al kept this eary sense of calmness about him at all times, never letting on that he was in anyway stressed. He was like a man staring of into the abyss, only this time the abyss stared back and went ‘o blimey!’ I mea I assume that at that particular time Al was probably being kept awake at night with worry and inside he may have been falling to pieces but it was probably the manliest thing I have ever witnessed.
He is also a man who is the top of his game at anything he puts his mind to, even conquering a genre of music that he has no interest in. Whenever I’m having one of my breakdowns, he’s always there with the words I need to pull myself back together. He is both a bawler and a hit with the ladies, and when you catch him on those days when he is on rare form, there is honestly no better show in town then an afternoon and evening sat with him. He is what I want to be when I grow up.
Josh (The Boy)
It’s a story I’ve told loads of times, and will tell it many more but when I first met Josh I thought he was a simpleton. Granted I was tripping at the time so I cant really remember what it was that gave me the impression the he had a touch of the Forrest Gump about him. This is now irrelevant however as The Boy is probably one of the most intelligent people I know. Now those of you who know me, will know how much I love The Boy, so much so that in 2010 I married him in an inflatable church in Buckinghamshire and to this day is genuinely the closest thing I have ever had to actually being in love with someone. He is without a doubt the most kind and generous human being I have ever encountered. He will do anything for anyone in need and will never ask for a thing in return. He is a man who’s only flaw is that he is too nice, so much so that I feel some people could take advantage of him. I know I probably have over the years, always with the intention of paying him back. But the thing about Josh is, is that he’s always alright. I’ve never seen him get himself into any situation where he needs help from anyone else, he is in total control over his life at all times.
But this isn’t just me gushing over a hot guy who is also just a bit nice, he is literally amazing and has the achievements to prove it. I remember when I first met him he was a squatty courier type, occupying a flat in east London. The flat was without a toilet, so he read a book and installed one himself. At the Bangface Weekender one year I kept seeing people walking around with 303 machines made out of foam. When I asked someone where they got it they replied ‘There’s a guy dressed as santa claus going around handing them out…. I think it’s your mate Josh’ more recently, with no training and a diet of strong beer and hot curries he cycled nearly 1000 miles across the country in under a week. He did have a team with him, but they were going to slow so he just did the majority of it on his own. But then there’s also the little things that he goes out of his way to do, simple shit like one time when I was fixing up my bike and mentioned that I needed to change to breaks, he mumbled something to himself then went to look at my bike. He then left the house and when I went to check on my bike. He’d replaced the break pads and the cable to boot. It’s little things like that which will mean fuck all to anyone else but keep my love for him completely unconditional.
Many people have pressed me on what my actual feelings for The Boy are and although I’ve explained many times before, yes I do have genuine feelings for him but when someone is already in a relationship and not in that way inclined at all I’m not going to cause a scene over it. I’m not a sad weirdo you just have to accept these things, just like I’ve accepted that I’ll never walk out at Wembley for a cup final, or how I probably never will win an oscar or headline Glastonbury. I’d love to do all those things, but they just aint going to happen. It’s like how now he has chosen to go live out in the country and work on his boat and because of which I don’t get to see him anymore. I wont pretend that this doesn’t upset me because it really does and I know that some of the dreams I may have built around him will never be lived out now but I can accept that. I wouldn’t want him to have anything more then the happiness he deserves. He is my milkman of human kindness, the closest bit of evidence I’ve ever seen to man being made in God’s image and as Homer Simpsons once said ‘If everyone was like him, there’d be no need for heaven, we’d already be there’
So there’s enough male on male sentiment there to do me until I hit 30 when I will inevitably write a follow up to this particular entry. Hopefully the 4 men I have listed will still be playing an important part in my life by then. I cant thank them enough for the way they have supported me through to this stage of my life. They are all grafters, comedians, therapists and gentlemen of the highest order. Inspirations not just to me but to others in their own right. I genuinely don’t now what my life would be like or what kind of man I would be now if I didn’t have all of them in it and to be honest with you I really don’t want to know. Because of their support, advice and guidance and even through learning from there experiences and mistakes I now feel confident going into the business end of my 20’s, I hope I can make them all proud.
Play me out Mozzer…
Hi,
I never saw this until recently. Nice to make the list!