My celibacy continues. Not through choice but through circumstance I suppose. I did have a date during the time from when last I posted, a nice day out it was too. A few drinks in an ale pub, a walk through a food and drink festival on the Southbank, then a gig and what I suppose you’d call an after party with a couple of her friends who were both interesting and lovely people. It was certainly one of my more fun dates, however a few ‘how’s it going’ texts and email correspondents later and she quite abruptly shot me down with the line ‘It’s not that I actively dislike you, I just don’t like you that much’. Apparently it was something to do with a difference in politics. I don’t remember discussing politics at any point, but if I were to pinpoint one specific moment it would probably be my complete lack of interest in her passion for feminism. It’s not that I disagree with feminist views, I’m all for equality. It’s a bit like having a conversation about racism, everyone knows it wrong and we are better off without it, what is there to talk about? Girls if you take anything from these silly streams of consciousness take this word of advice over anything else I’ve ever said; giving a bloke a feminist lecture on a date is just like that said bloke giving you a complete analysis of this seasons Premier League. It’s boring and a massive turn off.
I’m not too disappointed though, on paper it was never going to go anywhere. Yea she was fairly funny, quite interesting and a without a doubt had a good heart in her. She also harboured all the hallmarks of a bird that would take an interest in me: clear signs of insecurity and mental illness, scored high on the nympho meter and enough self harm scares to give Richie Edwards a run for his money. But there was always going to be issues when she revealed herself as a psy-trance loving, rich kid, hippy. But it was when she told me she didn’t like Alan Partridge when my trust in her truly died. Also she lived in the arse end of north London, which would have been more then inconvenient. But overall in truth she seemed like a great fuck and even though I’m never against making new platonic friends, all I wanted to do was floss my teeth on that hairy, hippy fanny of hers.
I don’t hold anything against her for being so forward about her rejection of my personality, Infact I respect her for it. I’ve had too many occasions where I’ve wined, dined and on some occasions given orgasms to birds who have just gone on to ignore me until I got the point, which in my book is class A rudeness. We both agreed that we had a great time together and I’m sure I’ll catch her out and about at some point, where I will be civil and discuss our differences properly. To be honest though if someone doesn’t want to even be friends with another human being simply because their ‘politics’ are different then I don’t know if they are worth even keeping close. Whether you think they may be a cracking lay or otherwise, people who don’t have the capacity to be at least friends with others because they hold views that may be opposite to their own, are too unworthy of your friendship to bother trying to build any relationship with in the first place. Ironically I find this most common within the hippy community, who are coined as being the most liberal of the lot.
Despite that one date since I last got off my arse and started writing, no women have come my way. Nothing interesting has crossed my path. I went out for a few drinks with some friends some weeks ago, and one of their friends of a friend was this bird who was certainly winnable, similar age to myself and just above mid table in the division of looks, unfortunately though she was battling relegation in the personality table. We sat next to each other and chatted for a fair amount of the evening, she had a lot to say but the problem was it was all dull and meaningless. Nothing profound was coming out her mouth and as a result she went from looking rather pretty to revealing herself as actually quite plain. I politely went with it for a while, smiling and agreeing, forming some sort of vague opinion to her uninspiring views on life and at one point did acknowledge to myself that if I played my cards right I could probably be in there. But I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to really probe her personality and find something I could discuss or sway her with interesting and witty anecdotes. That’s been the long and short of the problem really, no one compelling enough has crossed my path and as a result I’m left feeling very under whelmed by what women have to offer. Could get back on the internet meat market game, but far too jaded by more important things. Could go out and try and find some new birds in proper social situations, but I’m too lazy and usually have work in the morning. But anyway at the risk of this entry being a misogynist rant, a friend of mine suggested I write about my fetishes and fantasy’s, so here you go….
Regular readers of this will know that sex in my teens was mainly made up of drunken one night stands and the odd fling here and there. This was all well and good but as you all probably know you can never fully explore your sexual limits with someone on a one off circumstance, granted though in my experience I usually find out about a birds kinks and fetishes the next day. You all probably know what I mean, you wake up next to whoever it is you’ve shagged the night before, and if you still like what you see you fuck again and that post coital period that follows is usually punctuated with ‘so what else are you into? Do you have any fetishes?’ I love these conversations. Some previous highlights have included me being asked sheepishly whether I’d be interested in watersports – ‘I mean for you to piss on me, not me on you…’, another favourite of mine was ‘Are you attracted to any inanimate objects?’
The first of these conversations however came not post sex but post blowjob when I must have been no older then 18. I don’t remember how I met this girl or how she ended up swallowing my seed in my bedroom one afternoon, but my brief relationship with her was the start of a journey of sexual exploration that would shape my sexual identity today. I remember her talking about her interests in being submissive, as well as other activities like humiliation and bondage. From this I had a realisation of ‘hang on a minute, there’s a few things I’d quite like to try too’. I remember previously in my teens, when sex was more spontaneous and less frequent, I had my fantasies and interests, most of which admittedly came from the porn I was wanking to at the time – most of that involving rough sex, but the majority of these I got to explore for the first time with this willing young lady.
She was the first bird to introduce me to spanking and slapping, an activity that to this day I receive compliments from birds on my knack for it. I wouldn’t necessarily say it was a kink or fetish of mine. It’s not something I find sexy, I just enjoy doing it as a fun activity. It’s similar to my opinion on womens feet. I like feet, I think they can be a nice feature on a lady, but I don’t find them specifically sexy. Although as a sexual practice spanking can be a great source of stress relief, especially if the bird has a high pain threshold. Sometimes there can be nothing better then having sex from behind and your partner is goading you on to slap them harder. A play partner who loves a good slap to the face is also one not to be taken for granted. I learnt from this bird that submissive people got a similar sense of relief from being slapped about and I would sometimes get texts from her after a stressful day asking whether she could come over so that I turn her arse a new shade of purple. As a return of favour she’d then let me expand on one of my fantasies. Almost straight away this was when I started to explore anal play.
I’m not sure what it was or when it was that I started to gain an interest in sticking things up my arse, but it wasn’t until this bird told me that she’d be willing o try anything that it suddenly crossed my mind. ‘Can you finger me?’ I believe were my exact words. It was also from this that I found a solution to my ejaculation problem; oddly enough she started playing with my arse before she received anal from me, this then progressed to rimming and then concluded with our last sex session together when I experienced pegging for the first time.
I explored a lot with that bird, even things I don’t particularly have that much of a penchant for like bondage. Only light bondage like just tying up her hands and legs before either spanking or fucking her. For me though being tied up has never really interested me, but then again its something I’d only ever do with someone I knew and trusted. If ever I was to pull a bird on a one night basis and she cracked out the ropes or handcuffs I’d have to decline out of fear she may rob me blind or start performing surgery on me whilst I was awake. A silly and irrational fear maybe, but sex is all about being comfortable with the person you’re doing it with. I have tried and experienced the thrills of bondage though. It certainly is a lot more fun when you are the one being tied up and if you are bloke experimenting with cuckold, it can be pretty cool when done with the right bird.
I did a lot of firsts with Her; She was first girl I tried anal with, the first girl I tried throat fucking, first I tried bondage, pegging and rough play with and was also the first girl I made squirt. From what I recall we only had this fling for a summer but we covered a lot of ground and it got the ball rolling for my interest in exploring fetishes and as time went on more fantasies started to develop. It wasn’t until now though I reflect and realise how much a pair of beginners we really were.
I find looking back on things, exploring fetishes and living out your fantasies bares similarities with building up a tolerance. It’s like being an adrenaline junkie or a drug addict. You’ve gone white water rafting down the Congo, next you want to climb Kilimanjro. At one point you can make a gram last you 6 or 7 lines, now you do it in 2 goes. For me sexual depravity has followed similar suit and from interviews that I’ve seen and read from perverts who run swingers clubs and fetish nights, this is quite common. You have a threesome with 2 girls, next time you want 3, you do that now you want to watch your missus get shafted by 3 strangers, so on and so forth. Once you’ve achieved that goal you want to keep going and complete further goals and fantasies. I’ve had a similar mentality, I wanted to shag an older woman – I did, I wanted to have a threesome – I did, I wanted to get pissed on – I have, I wanted to make sex tapes – there have been a few, although I always delete the footage after breaking things off with whatever bird I’ve made it with, mainly out of respect but also because I’d feel bad if such material fell into the wrong hands. I wouldn’t mind ending up on the internet, but the friend/s I made it with probably wouldn’t find it so funny. But now I want to push further and try filthier things. It’s not that trying these things were an anticlimax a lot of them were a shit load of fun to try out, I just want to explore further and overturn every sex stone there is. It’s similar to how I eat curries nowadays, it’s not that I dont enjoy korma’s I just prefer the strong, pheromonal inducing heat of a vindaloo.
If I was to name my main fetish at this stage of my life it would most likely be voyeurism.From going to fetish nights, saucy parties and orgies I’ve watched other people perform filthy acts on each other the result sometimes being harmless yet letchy blokes rubbing themselves off to the sight of it. Sometimes when I’ve been getting busy with whatever friend it is I’m getting busy with I find it very off putting. Watching strangers doesn’t get me off at all, but watching my friends cop off with other men and women at these events has gained the most interest in my wank bank, even if I’m not attracted to the friend. Other fantasies of mine include stumbling upon sex tapes of my mates and their partners going at it and one particular wank fantasy involves my best friend and a girl I really like having filthy sex. I think it’s that feeling that I shouldn’t really be watching or that I shouldn’t be thinking these things that provides the kink, and I think if I ever was to get myself a missus in the near future I would definitely put forward watching her fuck another bloke.
Like I mentioned earlier my fetishes and fantasies have gone from one extreme to another, even in practice. When me and that bird used to try throat fucking it would be slow and she couldn’t really take much of my cock down, it wasn’t until I met more experienced girls later on and I got more practice that throat fucking sessions started to involve more gagging and slobber and on a couple of occasions by accident – vomit. But it’s this evolution of depravity that makes me optimistic for the future of my sex life. I’ve already done a whole host of things I said I never had any interest in trying, being submissive is one of them – I actually enjoyed that so much I wouldn’t mind giving an entirely submissive relationship a go. Then there’s other things like role plays, somewhat ironically though I didn’t too much enjoy the rape role plays because I’ve never really fantasised about raping anyone but if the girl I’m with enjoys it I’ll always give it a go. But then that’s another element to it, I find the trust and comfort with the person you’re doing it with is a defining factor. I mentioned earlier that I’d never try bondage with someone I just met, same rules apply for a few other things. I’ve always said I’d never try scatting, but if I was seeing a bird who was experienced and well into it I couldn’t see any reason why I wouldn’t at least experiment. Another friend of mine said she’d like to rub herself off whilst watching me suck off another bloke, I can imagine this would be quite hot, and even though I aint gay I’d probably give it a try for her sake, which I guess is another fetish of mine, I like pleasing people. I always thought the idea of felching was a bit rich for my blood, but I still gave it a go, was her idea too. Now don’t get me wrong there are some things I am bit weary of trying. Things like needle play, or anything that draws blood for that matter. Infact anything that leave a visible or permanent mark is in my list of boundaries, again it’s important to make these known between you and your partner if you want things to remain comfortable and enjoyable, regardless of how well you know and trust them.
One of the things I enjoy above all else is the ironic sense of innocent fun there is when giving these things ago, almost like deciding to get a Vietnamese takeaway rather then a bog standard Chinese one night just to be a bit different. I remember one incredibly sordid pegging session that started from nothing. I seem to recall it being lady week so the two of us were happy with just having a spoon and falling asleep. She had other ideas and soon a bit of light dirty talk turned into a 20 minute rimming session, followed by her straping up and going to town on my arse. Not just that but she revealed that she was actually very good at giving both verbal and physical abuse. It was probably the best example of switching that I’ve experienced. After more then half an hour of non stop fucking, insults and humiliation I was ready to cum, I blew my load into her hand and she then proceeded to rub it in my face and then my mouth. I always used to be quite fearful of my own juices in the same way I am with women’s menstrual blood but as I was in a ‘in for a penny, in for a pound’ mood, sure enough I found out what spunk tasted like. Afterwards we lay next to each other exhausted, then we both started laughing, then we had a high five and congratulated each other on pushing sexual boundaries. ‘We’re blatantly better then everyone we know at sex’ I said, which I think at the time was true, your regular couple would of just called it an off night and gone to sleep, we thought outside of the box! It is definitely in my top 3 dirtiest sessions.
Although I say what we did made us better at sex then everyone else we know, this may not be true. Which is another defining factor of filthy sex that I love, you never really know who is the pervert amongst a group. Again mainly from my experience of kinky events, you meet people from all walks of life that I suppose are considered conventionally ‘normal’ I’ve met head teachers of schools for troubled children, lawyers, nurses, builders and carpenters all of different races and ages. Infact I’d go as far to say the difference in demographic is one that I’ve only ever seen when going to football matches. It’s that anonymity and secrecy about someone’s sexual preferences that is also endearing and is all apart of the fun when finding a new sex friend and thinking ‘ahh I never expected you to like things like that’. I don’t know what my friends and their partners get up to behind closed doors but I like to fantasies the majority of them are all indulging in some sort of filthy practice. Even for friends I hold no attraction to I sometimes like to try and peer into their soul and work out their fetishes and fantasies. And when one of my friends tells me they have tried or are into something other then vanilla sex I have a bit more respect for them. This is not to say that people who enjoy bog standard missionary and doggie are in anyway dull. It’s like people who don’t drink or do drugs, no matter how much I try to explain the joyful anarchy of being a piss head or the holistic euphoria of an ecstasy tablet it’s never going to convince someone who just isn’t interested in taking pleasure out of inebriation. Of course this is fine, there is nothing wrong with living your life that way, in fact if you can enjoy life to the full without drink, drugs and kinky sex then you’re already doing a better job at it then me. But when I have a friend ask me if I can take her to a fetish night, or another bird tell me she’s always fantasised about taking a cock in everyone of her holes at once I think ‘fair play to you love! live life to the full’.
Regardless of what our peers or society tells us there is nothing wrong with being perverted when there are two or more consenting adults involved. We should not be ashamed in exploring things we enjoy, especially when it comes to an activity such as sex. It’s the most fun and broad activity in the world that can be enjoyed for free and personally when doing it with someone we love or even just like a bit we should have a go at experimenting a bit more. Girls, why not bring another bloke you fancy into the equation? Fellas, why not try snowballing with your missus after blowing your load in her mouth? What’s the worse that will happen? You might not enjoy it and you won’t try it again at least you’ll know that. So I ask you my readers why not ask your fella, bird or friend you have sex with to try something a bit different when you next have sex? Invest in a tube of lube and try anal, give those minx handcuffs a test, do a daddy – school girl role play, fuck it no one is going to find out if you don’t tell them. Push the boat out and explore the wonderful, fun, creative and sometimes hilarious world of filthy sex.
Play me out Mozzer….